SR - Well, look at you all spritely and jolly, ducking and diving the waves to come and see me.
Jan - I know. They did get me occasionally. It is only water. I had a few rocks to climb too, today. I feel excited by it and I want to get back to start my day. I can’t keep waiting for the tide to be perfect.
 
SR - There is a lot of wisdom in that statement. When you feel a zest for life, you shouldn’t wait for anything. Not even the tide!
Jan. - The zest is only just breaking through but it has been around for a few days now, I am enjoying it 😀
 
SR - I love your coat. You are rocking the white!
Jan - Thanks. It was a gift from my sister. It was preloved, from a charity shop and now I can love it! Wearing white seems to give me a lighter energy, a more alive feeling.
 
 
SR - I think there is a lot to say about the power of colour.
Jan - I agree. I don’t fully understand it but before Murray, died, had someone asked what my spirit colour was, meaning not necessarily the one I wear or decorate my house in, but that resides within my vibration, I would have answered, purple. On Monday, after he died on Sunday, I don’t know why but I asked what colour am I now. I didn’t need to go through the list of the colours of the rainbow, the answer came from my soul. It said, Yellow. It said it immediately and yellow brings me comfort and joy every day now. I should look into that.
 
SR - You should. It sounds like it is a very healing thing.
Jan - It has certainly contributed to my healing. I don’t particularly like the word healing for grief, it is more emerging.
 
SR - I can see that. It isn’t about healing and going back to how things were but growing and emerging from the experience stronger and more whole.
Jan - YES! Whole. That is exactly what it is. I wouldn’t have thought that possible. Losing Murray felt like a massive piece of me had broken off. Maybe this is what is growing and emerging from the broken part. You see, I am experiencing another energy at the moment and it has felt pretty steady since I went skiing with my lovely family.
 
SR - What is that, it sounds fascinating.
Jan - It is. And it is crazy because it is there all the time and for all of us. It is the energy of LOVE. I don’t mean romantic, there is no website for it. I mean this power we all have. I honestly feel I am seeing life for the first time.
 
SR - That is magical.
Jan - I know. Why has it taken so long?
 
SR - I guess it is like the diamond. You have to chip a lot of crap off it to reveal the precious beauty.
Jan - Very philosophical. I think you are right through. Maybe we must face our pain, release it and allow the love to shine. I feel I have had muddy glasses on and someone has cleaned them.
 
SR - You mean you have cleaned them?
Jan - I guess I have, with all the meditation, yoga and the Ho’oponopono prayer. That is all really cleansing. As you have said, I get to see all the muddy water of my past hurts, that have either hurt me or I have hurt others. The times when I think I could have done better and I forgive myself and others but ultimately, in the Ho'oponopono prayer, I believe I am asking God to forgive me. I say God to mean this infinite source of Love. And maybe this isn't actually about forgiveness. Maybe when I am hurting, I am out of alignment with the Universal source of Love and I am asking to come in alignment again by healing the hurt and forgiving myself. I hope this is making sense. I don't believe you can say this prayer enough if you are going to connect to your true powerful source of Love. When I say ‘power’, I mean the powerful awe you feel when you see a majestic bird soar through the sky or when you first feel your child's hand in yours, not the take over the world kind of power. Taking over anything and anyone is destructive.
 
SR - You have thought about this a lot.
Jan - More than that, Sylvia-Rose, I have felt it. Saying the prayer and meditating, doesn’t wake up, so much your thinking mind, but your heart mind that connects you to consciousness and the ultimate reality. I sound like I have been taking psychedelics 😂
 
SR - It sounds fascinating and seeing your energy and the lightness of you today is exciting in itself.
Jan - The important word there is, ‘today’. I don’t take this experience for granted. In fact, I have a little life hack for if the troubles of the world and my thinking mind start to cause me challenges.
 
SR - What is that? I am all ears! 😂
Jan - Funny. I have discovered that when my mind begins to think of the past pains and struggles and all that programming of fears and beliefs of not being good enough that we are subjected to, I say thank you to the thought, recognise it is from the past and I can’t change that, but I am grateful it has reminded me not to be or feel that in my present moment. When I experience worrying thoughts about the future, rising cost of living, getting older, health, money etc., 99% of us share a similar list, this is my favourite, I say, ‘Moksha’. In Sanskrit, it means ‘ultimate freedom’. It is also a wonderful word. Just saying it makes you feel free. It stops the worrying thoughts immediately and reminds you of what is true and real.
 
SR - What is true and real?
Jan - Being here. Having this life experience. I can’t believe I ever wanted to throw this opportunity away. I am sad my dad threw his opportunity away. I believe he is, too. I believe he is also behind me feeling this intense power of love. He knows now how precious life is. My mum used to say, ‘You don’t miss something until it is gone’. It is true. We are all guilty of taking life, people and what we have for granted. We should be walking past everything and everyone in our lives and saying, ‘Thank you’. I can see this now. This is also where the Ho’oponopono prayer works. As you say it, your mind will prompt you of all that you have and as you say, ‘thank you’, it will simply align your heart with it.
 
SR - I am blown away by this conversation. It is beautiful.
Jan - Life is. I better go. Time to go to my beautiful home that I am very grateful for and complete my contribution to today.
 
SR - I guess you mean to do some work!
Jan - Yes. But work sounds hard. I like to say 'make a contribution'.
 
SR - I see that. It sounds much lighter too.
Jan - It does. I must go, it has been a joy. Thank you for being here to share my crazy musings and the journey life has taken me on. I love you, Sylvia-Rose.
 
SR - I love you too. Bring your light back soon.
Jan - Am I ok to come if the light has gone out too?
 
SR - Of course. I like to see the whole of you. The life of many colours.
Jan - Exactly. See you soon.
 
SR - Have a blessed one. 😊
 
READ THE NEXT CONVERSATION - Discovering the twinkle of authentic joy after the loss of a loved one - HERE